You 

Poet – Shefali Deshpande 


you’re my 2 am sighs.

you’re the sleep that lingers on my eyelids the next morning when the night before I have done nothing but sweat through the covers, toss and turn. 

you are parts of me I miss, 

parts of me I have held funerals for,

over and over again.

I have mourned the loss of me

The loss of you

Loss of us

loss. 

So much loss. 

 

You’re the keeper, all kinds of my virginities

The kind that started somewhere on my body

And somewhere in my soul

You’re the back ache from retreating into me in the middle of anything and everything. 

You’re my silence between ten people. 

The reason for 5 glasses of wine, reason to leave a loud, busy, drunk, hot, smokey room and run out into the cold night.

Palms sweaty

Knees weak

Freezing,

Silence. 

Five minutes of silence.

The noise in my head,

is you. 

I can hear music roaring and it’s a few minutes before I pick myself up again 

And no one even saw. 

You’re the silent strength

The ghost of you is the silent strength to open doors

Walk into things,

Opportunities,

and live life. 

Or at least try. 

Are you proud of me yet? 

Do you love me again? 

Your ghost, he’s on my side. 

You’re the anxieties,

You’re all the words I can’t find.

I still can’t find.

I’ll never find.

This isn’t satisfying.

The knots in my stomach,

an escapist memory

Something for me and only me.

Was used to loving you

Now, to missing you

So I guess I need you as some form of second nature to feel.

I can remember how your t shirts smelled and your hair in the morning. 

Curly hair.

Smelled always like fresh skin and boy and 

warmth and home and happiness. 

How your arms felt,

One strong vein down the side

Leading to your fingers.

Your long, long fingers.

Fingers in my hair, on my waist, on my wrist 

Hand in my hand.

On my knee.

Letting me know

The things we didn’t have to say

I remember how your room smells all the time

How your house smells.

And feels.

Your bed sheets

Under my back

Your warmest head

legs entangled

fast asleep.

And I’m home. 

I haven’t been home in so long. 

Take me home.

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